Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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