That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
2020 sucks, I want a refund
Randomize
