Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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