Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Randomize
