I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
