Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
