we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
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