Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
