Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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