i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
