I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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