Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Randomize
