marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
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