They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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