I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
