He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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