never play flip cup with pint glasses
there was a trapeze. enough said
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
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