I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
