You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Randomize
