I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize