I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
