I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Randomize