so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
