Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
