what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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