if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
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