I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Randomize
