She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
I met the friendliest cop last night
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize