I seem to have left my pride at pride
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
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