Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
