When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Randomize
