What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Randomize
