By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
