you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
