Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
She even gives head with a lisp.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
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