I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
