I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
