I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
The best revenge is premature balding
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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