So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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