somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
