right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Randomize
