You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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