I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize