loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
Quick, to the slutcave!
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
