I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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