Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
