I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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