I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
