Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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