if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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