So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
I think people are normalizing furries
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
