The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
