I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
