Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
handjob tips. give me some.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
