I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
