you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
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