Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
