I met the friendliest cop last night
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize
