I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
Randomize
