I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize