my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
