Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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