i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Randomize
