3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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