She said her name was "party"
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
