I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
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