i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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