there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
