I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Randomize
