If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Randomize
