I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Randomize
