it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
